


rewind but repeat

by indigo_fox



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26424967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigo_fox/pseuds/indigo_fox
Summary: Instead of an affair in 2016, Rory spends one last night with Logan before she leaves on the campaign trail in 2007. Her life is tossed off course from where she thought it would be, but she ends up exactly where she needs to be.
Relationships: Rory Gilmore/Jess Mariano
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The ending of A Year in the Life feels like a story that should have happened earlier in Rory's life. ASP kept the finale words she meant to use to originally end the series, so that's what I'm here to do. This will completely ignore AYITL, slightly alter the series finale, and move on from there. Hope you enjoy!

Rory started walking back towards her house. The party was winding down – well, the part of the party that involved her did, anyway. Babette and Mrs. Patty and the result of town were still threatening to run the punch bowl dry, not really Rory’s scene, and she really just wanted to spend the rest of the night with her mom.

Lorelai wasn’t anywhere to be found. Not that Rory tried too hard to find her. She’d heard people had seen her with Luke, and when she couldn’t find Luke, either, that all but confirmed. She didn’t really want to know exactly what was going on between them, but she hoped it was good. They deserved it.

As she walked up to her house, a familiar too-expensive car greeted her in front of her house. Behind it sat an even more familiar head of blonde hair, one she hadn’t expected to see again any time soon.

“Logan, what are you doing here? Go home.” Rory flung the driver’s door of his car open for him, pointing him inside.

“Rory, I just heard you were leaving town.” Logan ignored her gesture, stepping down to her and reaching his arm out, but Rory shrugged it away immediately.”

“Really? From who? Who told you? Are you stalking me?”

“I got you the contact that led to your job, remember? Of course I know. I’m not stalking you. He thanked me for connecting you two after he hired you.”

“Oh. Well, this is still stalking.”

“Rory, I just wanted to say good-bye.”

“Well, good-bye,” Rory said, stepping around Logan and heading towards the front door with the full intent to slam it right in his face.

“I meant,” Logan sighed, as Rory spun back on her heels. “Can we talk?”

“Fine.” Rory said, opening the door and gesturing for him to head inside. “But I’m not going to like it.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” Logan smiled at her. “I don’t think most people like having conversations with their stalkers.”

Rory waited until he turned away from her to head into the house, but a small smile crept across her face, too.

* * *

Rory woke with a start.

She was in her bed. That's good. She liked her bed.

Her childhood bed.

With _Logan._

She shoved him, a little harder than she need to.

“Wake up!”

“Ace? What time is it?”

“It’s time for you to leave. Past time for you to leave." Rory rolled out of bed, sorting out the clothes that had been strewn across the floor and tossing Logan's back to him. "I don’t want to have to explain this to my mom.”

“I’m wounded.”

“Please, just…leave. We talked. You know where I stand, this was it. You need to go.”

“Ace…” he trailed off, pulling his sweater back over his head. “Just…I’ll always love you, you know? I miss you.”

“I don’t think you’re allowed to miss me yet. It hasn’t even been a week.”

“I know.”

Rory walked with him to the front door, silent as he headed down the steps and towards his car.

“Logan?” Rory said, tentatively enough she wasn’t even sure if he’d hear. “I miss you, too.”

Logan turned back towards Rory, a nearly imperceptible smile and nod, and he opened the door to his car. She watched until he drove out of view.

No sooner had Rory crawled back into bed as she heard her mom sneak back inside, though Lorelai’s version of sneaking in involved a lot more swearing and knocking things over in the dark than was generally traditional.

She thought about letting her mom know she was awake, but she knew if they talked now, it would be about either her and Logan or her mom and Luke or a jumble of both because three in the morning didn’t lend itself to anything but truth telling. She really…she just wanted it to be her and her mom saying good-bye tomorrow.

They’d have all the time they needed to talk, but not tonight.

* * *

The campaign trail was lonelier than she expected. Rory had made friends, kind of, but they were work friends. It wasn’t the same. And not even truly work friends – they all worked for different publications, so the most they all really had in common was a thinly veiled feeling of rivalry. They’d sit together at campaign events, they’d go out to dinner or a drink together, or whatever. Camaraderie, not friendship.

Just work, all the time. The only break from working was sitting in her own hotel room, by herself. She liked it for the few days. Quiet, no one to complain when she ordered Indian takeout. But while the room changed nearly every day, the four plainly painted walls all started to look the same, no matter what state she was in.

On week three of the campaign trail, Rory stopped sleeping well. Her food didn’t sound appetizing anymore. The champagne at the reception she attended almost came back up after one sip. All she really wanted to do was take a nap, so she slipped out. The event was largely over. She wouldn’t miss anything important at the point.

“Rory!” her mom’s voice came on over the phone she almost hadn’t noticed pulling out of her purse and dialing. “How’s the star reporter?”

“Tired.”

“Well, all that star reporting must be keeping you busy.”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I do a lot of sitting. Maybe it’s just all the travel, a new bed every night. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Do you want me to mail you’re your pillow? It’s always nice to have your own pillow.”

“I don’t think Christiane Amanpour had her mom mail her a pillow.”

“Well, she should have. Bosnia would have been more comfortable.”

“No, I don’t need you to send me a pillow. I think I just need some more time to adjust. I’m not built for the nomad lifestyle.”

“I’m sure you’ll adjust soon.”

“So, how’s Stars Hollow? Any good new gossip?”

“Well…” Lorelai started slowly. “I think Luke and I are getting back together.”

“WHAT?!” Rory yelled, a little more exuberantly than she had intended and probably immediately outing her reaction as forced to Lorelai. She hadn’t known for sure, but where else would her mom have been until 3 am in Stars Hollow that night? Loitering outside the soda shoppe?

“I know. It’s new…well, it’s old. But it’s new.”

“And?”

“And I think it’s really good. I think this is it.”

“I know it is,” Rory said confidently. “You and Luke before…it didn’t end because you didn’t love each other. I know you can make it work.”

“I hope you’re right, kid.”

“I am. I’m always right.”

“Oh yeah? What about the Trivial Pursuit Disaster of 1999?”

“I was 14. And playing with a set from before the Berlin Wall fell. I think you can probably forgive me.”

“We’ll see. The jury’s still out.”

“Hey, mom, I’m back at my room.” Rory held the phone between her ear and her shoulder as she dug in her purse for her room key. “I need to go. I have to order something for dinner.”

“If there’s one thing I prepared you for growing up, this is it. Talk soon?”

“Always.”

Rory hung up the phone, but instead of dialing anything, she just collapsed in the bed. Food sounded awful.

Sleep sounded amazing.

* * *

Five weeks into the campaign trail, Rory realized that something was missing. Some items she’d packed had never been touched, ones that are normally used on very regular basis.

Was it stress?

None of the stress through Yale or Chilton ever caused this.

Maybe it was all the travel?

Two summers of galivanting around Europe hadn’t, either.

Rory hadn’t packed the small notebook she normally tracked it in, and she couldn’t remember when. Maybe a couple weeks before she left?

It had been at least seven weeks.

She checked the time – she had three hours until she had to be anywhere. She quietly walked the deserted city blocks, too early for even the earliest commuters. But never too early for a 24-hour Walgreens to let her inside.

She walked around the aisles nervously, not even really able to convince herself to think the words about what she needed to buy, let alone look at them and choose one. She snaked through the aisles, picking up an inappropriate birthday card to mail to her mother (it wasn’t even her birthday, but Lorelai would love it anyway), three candy bars that she ended up leaving on a shelf of chips when her stomach suddenly revolted at the thought of them, and a unbelievably tacky Chicago magnet, again for Lorelai.

But she finally led herself there.

Pregnancy tests.

This was it.

There were so many of them! Pink dye, blue dye. Digital, lines, plus signs. Early response – well, she didn’t need that. If this happened, it was long past anything resembling early.

Rory ended up grabbing a half dozen, unsure what made the most sense and not having the brainpower to weigh the different choices.

She didn’t make eye contact with the cashier, who was clearly unphased by a frazzled woman buying six pregnancy tests at 5 in the morning. Rory grabbed an apple out of a basket on the counter and placed it with the tests. She remembered her mom had liked apples. If she was pregnant, maybe she would, too.

If.

Rory may not have used the tests yet, but she knew. There wasn’t an if. Her body wasn’t three weeks late because of stress. She paid and walked straight out the door without an awkward word to the cashier.

Awkward silence would have to do.

* * *

An assortment of double lines, plus signs, and digital letters reading pregnant stared up at her from the bathroom counter.

Rory immediately turned and vomited into the toilet next to it.

Okay, that one might have been from stress.

She looked at the time – enough time to shower and brush her teeth before she needed to be on the bus.

She shoved them off the counter and into the trash, and tried to push it out of her mind, too. She’d need to deal with this, but tonight she had work to do. In two weeks, she’d be back in Stars Hollow for a few days while the campaign was in the area.

She’d deal with it then.

Or, at very least, she’d tell her mom.

* * *

Rory met her mom in Luke’s two weeks later, with the plan to get breakfast together before they both had to head off for the day. Rory shuffled around nervously at the table. In front of her two to-go cups and a paper bag of cherry danishes with the top neatly folded over.

“Mom!” Rory jumped up as the chimes jingled as she walked in the door and wrapped her mom in a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Good to see you, kid. What’s with the to go cups? I thought we were having breakfast.”

“We are…I just thought we could maybe do it on a walk.”

“A walk.” Lorelai stared at her daughter. “Like with our two feet? For no purpose?”

“Yes, that would be the activity I’m suggesting.”

“Did they teach you this on the campaign trail?”

“No, I think I learned about walking when I was 1.” Rory stood up and headed towards the door. “Come on.”

Lorelai followed out the door, mostly because of the promise of the coffee Rory held in her hands. They didn’t end up going far. They made it as far as the gazebo, where they sat down and Rory handed her mom one of the coffees.

Lorelai took a big swig and spit it out.

“Gross, mom.”

“This is decaf! I swear, Luke thinks just because we’re back together he can try to…”

“No, mom, I ordered it,” Rory said, taking a deep breath as she switched the coffees. She hadn’t meant to hand her mom the wrong coffee, but this was as good of a prompt as she’d ever get.

“You ordered it? Decaf coffee and recreational walks. Did we really need to remake Invasion of the Body Snatchers again?”

“Yeah, I did. Mom, I’m…” Rory hesitated, though the way she watched the expression on Lorelai’s face drop, her mom looked to be a step a head of her. One more deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

“Pregnant.” Lorelai repeated.

“That’s what the tests tell me.”

Lorelai didn’t say anything for a minute. She just took a swig of coffee, a bite of her Danish. She looked out at the town square and everyone oblivious to the news she’d just gotten, and then she turned back to Rory.

“I do not want to be my mother.” Lorelai bent down to set her food down, then reached out for one of her daughters hands.

“I know.” Rory squeezed her mother's hand before they both pulled away.

“I will not be my mother.”

“I long ago promised matricide if you ever were,” Rory said, holding her coffee cup out in a mock salute.

“But Rory…who? How? When? Please don’t tell me this was a one-night stand on the trail.”

“It wasn’t.”

“Then when, honey?”

“The night before I left…you were out." Rory stared down, not really wanting to meet her mother's gaze. She knew her mom wouldn't be happy no matter who it was, but saying it out loud meant admitting a moment of weakness. But Lorelai deserved to know, and Rory needed someone to talk to. "I left the party, and Logan was waiting for me. One thing just led to another, we never really got to say a real good-bye to each other.”

“Well, looks like you figured out a way to never have to say good-bye.”

“Mom, that’s not fair. I didn’t do this on purpose. I didn’t want this.”

“I know, honey. I’m sorry. I just wasn’t ready for this.”

“Me either.”

Mother and daughter hugged, both unsure of how they felt. It wasn’t the life either of them had envisioned, but is that ever how things went? All you could do was deal with the life that was happening.

In the distance, a car pulled up in front of Luke's. Jess Mariano stepped out, slamming the door behind him and heading right into the diner without a glance at the world around him. He hadn’t noticed Rory, and she didn’t notice him.

Not just yet.


	2. Chapter 2

That evening, Rory returned. A hotel for her would have been paid for in Hartford, but she wanted to stay with her mom while they were in home. She needed to get her story for the day in by midnight, but all she really wanted to do was clear her head a little. Between telling her mom and a day filled with three campaign events, writing wasn’t going to happen until she did.

And so, she headed out for a walk. Despite her mom’s jokes that morning, she really did enjoy it. She didn’t have a car with her on the campaign, so she found herself doing a lot of walking if she wanted to see anything other than the hotel, campaign events, and delivery food. And, really, she had so much downtime to fill, alone.

And here, well, she just kind of wanted to take in the familiar before she went back to unfamiliar, ever-changing scenery where everyone she ran into was a stranger. In Stars Hollow, she only ran into people she knew.

Sometimes too literally.

“Jess!” she said, the name caught in her throat from the surprise.

“Rory?” Jess’s voice matched her own. “I heard you were gone.”

“I am. Well, not right now. This isn’t me, mastering astral projection. But usually, lately, I am. Gone, that is.”

“Huh.”

“I’m covering a campaign, following them across the country, but we’re in Hartford for a few days.”

And then there was silence. Neither of them expected to see the other, possibly ever again, even though they both should have known it was a distinct possibility. Mostly they both just tried to pretend that the other didn’t exist, so it hadn’t even really occurred to them.

But here they were.

“What, um, brings you back to Stars Hollow? I didn’t think I’d ever see you here again.”

“I do have a baby sister now, you know.” Jess ran his hands through his hair, the long locks dropping back into his face as he pulled his hand away.

“Right. I guess you have to make the trip every once and awhile, huh?”

“Yeah. Well, um, Rory. I’d probably better get going.”

“Okay. See you.”

Jess started to walk down the street.

“Wait, Jess? Do you…have to be anywhere?”

“I got time.”

“Could we talk?”

“Lead the way.” Rory, not really sure where to go, walked into the street towards the gazebo. Apparently, it’s the place to have an outdoor, semi-private conversation today, but she didn’t really know where else to go. They sat down on the bench, both a little too tentatively and clearly unsure of what a comfortable distance between them would be.

“Jess,” Rory began. “This probably feels a little out of the blue, but I think about it so much…I just want to apologize.”

She looked at him, Jess’s face expressionless. She pressed on, not sure exactly what she was going to say but knowing she needed to say it.

“I’ve wanted to apologize for a year – more than a year – and I know I was awful to you. I took advantage of you, I took out my problems on you, and that’s so unfair of me. Things were so messed up with me and Logan and going back to Yale…it’s not an excuse. It just is what it is, but I feel so terrible.”

Jess still didn’t say anything.

“And I guess you don’t have to say anything. You didn’t do anything wrong. You wrote a book, you’re running a business. I’m so proud of you. It was all me, and I’m sorry, and every time I think about it, I just feel so awful. Everything’s falling apart for me right now, again, ever since Logan proposed, but I just…when I saw you, I wanted to make this one thing right. I don’t know if I can. I hope I can.”

“That jerk proposed?”

“I said no.”

“Well, I think you can.”

“What?”

“I think you can make it right. I accept your apology.”

“That’s it? You’re just going to accept it?”

“Look, Rory, what’s done is done. It’s in the past. We’re cool.” Jess fiddled in his pockets for a cigarette, even though he’d long since quit smoking. A habit that’s hard to break whenever there’s tension in the air.

“Okay, good. That’s good.” Rory stood up. “I, uh, guess I’ll head home now. I don’t want to keep you.”

“Hey, I might like visiting my little sister, but any time away from Liz is well spent.”

Rory laughed. She didn’t know much about Jess’s relationship with his mom, but she had met Liz a few times. She could believe that.

“Well, I’ll see you around. I’m here until Thursday morning.”

“Same.”

* * *

“I made you an appointment.” Lorelai handed Rory a warm mug. “And I made you decaf. I even bought a new mug and a new coffee maker, just so decaf didn’t have to dare defile the sanctity of properly caffeinated coffee.”

“Thanks,” Rory said, accepting the mug. “I think I can have some caffeine, from what I read, but between my sleep and my stomach…I had to cut it off.”

“Just don’t abandon me to decaf forever.”

“Never,” Rory held the mug close, enjoying the warmth more than she enjoyed the smells. Why did everything smell so _strong_? It was dizzying. “So, um, an appointment?”

“You’re pregnant, right?” Lorelai gestured to her not-yet growing stomach. “Last I checked, doctors like to see you for that, hun.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. I guess I just…hadn’t thought about it enough.”

“Believe me, soon enough you will be absolutely unable to not think about it. You can’t avoid this forever.” Lorelai pulled a piece of paper down off the fridge. “Here’s the details. They said they could get you in today, that the first appointments are usually between 8 to 10 weeks, and from what you said, you’re right in there.”

Rory took the slip of paper, her mom’s neat writing with the name of their OB and the appointment time.

“I can’t believe I didn’t make an appointment myself. What am I thinking? I always read everything. I’m always ten steps ahead. And here I am, not even making myself a doctor’s appointment when I should have known I needed one.”

“Whoa, calm down. It’s a shock. You just got a new job, then you found this out. You just told me yesterday. Give yourself some credit, Rory. I’m happy to pick up some of the slack with the planning end of things right now.”

“I’m just in so over my head. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I keep pretending it hasn’t.” Tears began to well up in Rory’s eyes, something she hadn’t actually let happen this whole time. She hadn’t really let herself feel that much yet, but she needed to.

This was happening.

“Mom? Will you come with me?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

* * *

A few hours later, Rory found herself in a room with an ultrasound tech, a bunch of equipment, and her mom. The walls held some diagrams she really didn’t want to look to closely at, so she mostly kept nervously shifting around the gown they’d given her.

“Your ultrasound is going to be transvaginal today,” the tech explained gently. “It’s a more reliable way of viewing the embryo at this stage. It might be a little uncomfortable, but I promise it’s the best thing to use right now.”

Rory’s eyes widened when she saw the device in the tech’s handed, who handed it to her with instructions on how to insert it.

“Wow, you haven’t even taken her out to dinner yet,” Lorelai joked, though it fell on deaf ears between the tech who politely ignored her and Rory, who shot her mom a look that very plainly said, “ _I did not sign up for this._ ”

But a few uncomfortable seconds later, the tech found the baby and turned the screen towards Rory.

“Congrats, mama. There’s your baby. The heartbeat looks good. I’m just going to take a few measurements, the doctor will go over it more with you when you meet with her next, but I’ll let you and your mom watch the screen while I finish.”

Rory just stared in shock. She hadn’t really felt like this was real yet, but there it was. Those tiny arms were moving around inside of her, right now. Right as she watched.

She was really going to be a mom.

* * *

Thursday came. She didn’t end up running into Jess again, which was kind of a relief. She wouldn’t have minded seeing him, but she felt a little embarrassed over her apology the other night, and embarrassment fosters nothing if not avoidance. Rory didn’t have any events today, for once. She wanted to sleep in, savor her own bed as long as she possibly could, and grab the bus she used to take to Chilton to get back to the press bus and back on the road.

That was until she woke up to a text from Kayla, one of her campaign friends.

_Bus is leaving early, in 20 min – Philly event moved up so we gotta get on the road. Just found out. Hurry!!_

Rory swore. She didn’t do that a lot. It almost felt unnatural on her tongue. But swore she did because there was no way in hell she’d make it to Hartford in time. Her mom had already taken the Jeep to the Dragonfly, and the Prius was in storage. Even if she had a car, she might not make it in time. She flipped open her phone to reply to Kayla.

_Tell everyone to leave without me. I’m not going to be able to get back in time. I’ll figure out a way to Philly on my own. What time is the event?_

Kayla responded immediately.

_1p event, 12:30p press questions._

Okay. Rory had 5 hours to get to Philadelphia.

Without a car.

No way there’s anyway she’d get there without connecting in New York. Maybe she could rent a car? She didn’t have a ton of cash, but it was better than losing her job…it’d only be a one-day rental to Philly.

Philly.

Jess. Jess was leaving for Philly today.

Rory frantically dialed the diner.

“Luke’s.”

“Luke!”

“Rory, hi, do you need something? I can get breakfast ready for you…”

“Is Jess staying with you? Can I talk to him?”

“How did you…?”

“Just, is he there?”

“Yeah, I think he’s still asleep. Can I have him call you back?”

“Can you wake him up? I really need to speak with him.”

“Alright, I’ll get him.”

Rory heard the phone set down and heard a muffled yell and an even more muffled one in return. She stifled a laugh. It’s good to know Jess and Luke’s relationship hadn’t changed a bit.

“He’ll be down in a second.”

“Thanks, Luke. And you know what? I’ll take that breakfast. To go.”

“Can do. Pancakes okay?”

“With bacon!”

“Got it. Here’s Jess.”

“Rory?” Jess sounded confused and clearly not full awake. “What did you need at…seven in the morning?”

“I need you to go back to Philly right now.”

“I’m sorry, what? I’m leaving in a few hours. I had been planning on sleeping first.”

“No, I need to get to Philly. Like, now. And…I was hoping you could drive me?”

The line went pretty quiet. She knew when they’d talked the other night, it’d mostly been her, and it hadn’t been exactly comfortable, but she hoped she’d help him.

“Alright. I need to take a shower and pack up, but I can be ready in 15 minutes.” Rory cheered inwardly. She was going to make it.

“Thank you so much, Jess. You’re a lifesaver.”

“I’m picking the music, you know. You might regret it.”

“I think I can handle it. See you in fifteen.”

One less thing to worry about. Rory ran a brush through her hair, tossed on an outfit for the event, and threw everything else back into the bag she’d come to town with. She scribbled a note for her mom, who’d been planning to come back to say good-bye before she left, and ran out the door towards Luke’s.


	3. Chapter 3

“You’re a life saver, Jess.” Rory heaved her bags into the trunk, glad that somewhere along the way he’d traded up from his high school car. She knew he’d driven it for years, reasonably reliably given its condition, but she never understood how it managed to make it ten feet down the road, let alone how they’d make it all the way to Pennsylvania.

“I’m headed that way, anyway.” Jess didn’t look at her when she spoke, just looked down as he placed the key in the engine and started the car. He popped London Calling into the CD player, and Rory smiled towards the window, out of his view. Looks like he wasn’t following through on his threat to play music she wouldn’t like the whole way. One of their old favorites to listen to together, actually. The last time she’d gone to New York with Jess, they’d played it twice, on both their way to and from The Distillers.

Those moments usually felt so long ago. Before Yale, before Logan, before…well, just before.

Right now, Rory didn’t feel that far removed from it.

“So, uh, what’s so urgent in my city that you needed a ride before eight?”

“Oh, I can’t believe I didn’t even explain,” Rory said. “I stayed with my mom instead of in Hartford, as you know, and the press bus moved up its departure time. I couldn’t make it. I need to be at National Constitution Center by noon. 12:30 at the latest.”

“Ah, so it is work. Have you been to Philly much?”

“Just, uh,” Rory hesitated, her voice very small. She didn’t really want to bring up the past again. “Just the one time.”

“Right.” Jess reached towards the stereo controls, turning the volume up slightly just as Brand New Cadillac started up.

That was the end of the small talk. The ride mostly stayed silent after that, which Rory supposed she preferred. After her recent outburst of an apology, she wasn’t sure where conversation might take her. She suspected he’d be content to stick to neutral, literary related topics, but she wasn’t sure where her mouth would go. A comfortable silence felt a lot easier than whatever words might tumble out of her if she talked.

She still didn’t know if she regretted what she’d said the other day, but it’d been eating at her for a year. The apology was a weight off of her, and she needed all the weight off she could get right now.

The buildings got taller as they neared New York City. Rory’s eyes stayed glued to the window, taking in what she could glimpse of New York City on their route. She wished they’d had time to take a more scenic route, but she knew they didn’t. Despite her proximity growing up, she’d really spent very little time there, and so, the city never failed to impress her.

Jess had lived there. She wondered what memories the views of the skyline held for him. She knew very little about his childhood, but she guessed they probably weren’t very good ones.

The city faded into the distance as New Jersey took its place. She leaned back and let her eyes close. The motion of the car and the first trimester fatigue put her to sleep almost instantly.

  


* * *

  


“Hey, sleeping beauty,” Jess said as he pulled the car to a stop in front of Rory’s destination. “We’re here. You’re even early.”

“Huh?” Rory said, rubbing at her stiff neck from the angle she’d fallen asleep at. “Oh, we’re here! What time is it? I’m not late, am I? I can’t believe I fell asleep.”

“Listening skills aren’t up to par when you first wake up, are they?” Jess smirked from the driver’s seat, and she rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help it. That smirk always deserved an eyeroll.

“Sorry, just nervous, I guess.” Rory stepped out of the car, heading to the trunk to gather her things. Though by the time she got there, Jess was somehow already holding her two bags out to her.

“Thanks.”

“Hey, so how long are you in town for?” Jess asked. Rory pulled out her planner to double check the schedule.

“If nothing’s changed, we should be here for two nights, today and tomorrow. Leaving bright and early on Saturday.”

“There’s a beer garden a few blocks that way.” Jess pointed down the street they were currently parked on. “If you need a friendly face in the city, I could meet you there when you’re done tonight. Not my usual spot, but it’s not too hard for you to find.”

“Oh,” Rory said, clearly surprised. They’d barely talked to each other for an entire four-hour drive, and he wanted to see her again? “I guess, maybe. That might be nice. I’ve mostly had to show myself around the cities we’ve visited, so I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have a guide.”

Jess leaned into the passenger side, popping open the glove box for a pen and paper. He scribbled on it quickly, slipping the note into the front pouch of her purse.

“Just let me know.”

Jess climbed back into his car and drove off without another word, leaving Rory to sling her bags over her shoulder and head into work.

  


* * *

  


Rory spent most of the day going through the motions she’d learned over the last several weeks. Covering the same campaign with the same people leant itself to a lot more repetition than she had expected, despite all the travel, but she couldn’t really complain right now. It wasn’t everything she wanted, but it was something. She wasn’t sure she really had the brain space for anything requiring in-depth reporting at the moment, anyway.

The day was long, longer than she expected. She spent most it going back and forth on the number burning a hole in her purse, but she’d kind of already agreed. Around five in the evening, she’d been able to run out to check into her hotel and drop off her luggage. A bookstore around the corner called her on the way back from the hotel, and she ended up buying a few too many things, mostly to try to help herself forget there was a copy of _What to Expect When You’re Expecting_ sandwiched in the middle of the pile.

She stepped out of the store, pulling her phone from her now significantly heavier shoulder bag to check the time. She still had about ten minutes before the networking happy hour event she needed to make an appearance at. Fidgeting with the phone in her hand, she ended up settling on a bench and dialing the number Jess had left.

“Hello, Truncheon Books.”

Rory laughed. Jess hadn’t even given her a cell. He’d given her the _store_. Maybe there wasn’t as much to worry about here as she thought.

“Hi, is Jess Mariano there? He gave me this number.”

“He actually just left, but will be back soon. Can I take a message?”

“Um, I guess…just let him know I’ll meet him sometime between seven and eight if he’s still up for it.”

“I assume he’ll know what it’s about?”

“I hope so. Thanks,” Rory said, flipping her phone back shut, tucking it away, and standing back up. She took a deep breath, shaking her head slightly as if that’d be able transition her expression from “nervous about meeting up with her ex” to “journalism professional” in one second flat.

  


* * *

  


Rory kept staring at her phone on the table in front of her. 8:10. 8:11. 8:12. The time just kept on ticking by, she kept feeling worse and worse about being late, but the man in front of her would not stop talking. And that man happened to work for the New York Times. She was starting to think her interest in her wasn’t entirely professional, and the slight nausea she carried with her everywhere these days was overridden by disgust at that thought.

Finally, at 8:19 exactly, the man noticed someone he just _absolutely_ had to go introduce himself to and made Rory promise she’d stick around, that he’d be back to finish their conversation.

Rory, of course, immediately bolted from the event as soon as his back was turned. At this point, she was willing to potentially burn a minor professional bridge if it meant escaping that conversation. Most of the people she’d known left an hour or more ago, anyway.

She was only a block from the place Jess had pointed out, so she walked quickly, not entirely sure if she wanted Jess to have abandoned the idea that she was coming or not. She stepped into the clearing between two buildings that held the small beer garden, glancing around from table to table to see if she could spot Jess.

“Rory!” he yelled, a little too loud for the fairly chill atmosphere of the place. Jess ran from his table to meet her at the door, followed by the rest of his group.

“You brought friends.” Rory hadn’t really expected anyone else, though she had to admit she was a little relieved. She’d been worried since she agreed that they’d spent the evening existing next to each other in silence, and she wouldn’t even have the help of a drink to make the time move faster.

“They insisted. Rory, this is Matt, Chris, and Matt’s girlfriend Jennifer.”

“Nice to meet you,” Rory said, though when she shook their hands, she had the distinct impression that the feeling was not entirely mutual. No warm smiles or polite greetings came from either of the men, though at least Jennifer didn’t seem to be completely made of ice.

“Sorry about them.” Jennifer hung back behind the boys with Rory as they walked back towards the table. “No one’s eaten anything yet, but everyone had few too many craft beers while we waited. Not the best combination, especially since they don't really drink that much.”

“I’m sorry if I kept everyone waiting. I got held up, and I didn’t have anyone to text to let them know I’d be late.”

“I think they had a fine time without you.”

“I can see that.”

Rory sat down, quietly ordering a club soda and lime when a waiter noticed the table had a new customer at it. He nodded quietly, quickly returning with her drink. He’d even brought it in a bar glass. She nodded gratefully at him before he tended to another table.

Rory sat and sipped it, feeling entirely out of place as she listened to the conversation around her. She wished she felt up to their conversation – publishing wasn’t quite her professional world, but she normally would have felt close enough to it to be able to easily participate.

But seeing Jess with friends, people he’s comfortable with. She just didn’t know how to join in. He seemed so different. He chatted easily, tossing around jokes with his friends. She’d never known him to be like that with anyone but her. He was definitely still the Jess she’d known, but he’d really grown into himself.

Rory wasn’t really sure that she had.

“Look, Jess, I think I should go.” Rory set her finished club soda glass on the table. As she stood, and Jess shot up, too, and in the process, he knocked her bag off the table and onto the floor. The plastic bag from the bookstore fell out.

“Hey, if you were going to buy books, you should have stopped by Truncheon.” Jess laughed, bending down to help collect the things he’d knocked over. Rory swooped in and scooped everything back into her purse, swinging it over her shoulder, but it was too late. When she looked over at Jess, his eyes had already widened at the book title he’d caught.

“Thank you for inviting me. Nice to meet everyone.” Rory shuffled away without even a personal good-bye to Jess. She hadn’t told anyone but her mom yet, and she was _absolutely not_ having this conversation with a drunk Jess Mariano. 

She’d barely made it half a block back towards her hotel before she heard her name. She debated just continuing to walk, but she didn’t have the fortitude at that moment to ignore him for several more blocks.

“Is it true?” Jess asked.

“Yeah, it’s true.” Rory shifted her bag to her other shoulder. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you want. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Jess, you ambushed me with your friends.”

“It wasn’t my idea.”

“What, your friends forced you to bring them along?”

“Pretty much.”

“What?”

“Rory, they saw me last time you were here.” Jess sighed, not really wanting to get into what he was about to say, but not really seeing a smoother way out through the haze of the alcohol. “They just don’t want me to get hurt again.”

“Me, hurt you? That’s rich.” Rory clenched her fists at her sides. “You left first.”

“I think we can safely say we’ve both done some really shitty things, but my friends tagging along isn’t one of them.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Rory opened her mouth to start an apology, but Jess spoke before she was able to.

“Why are you coming running to me, huh?”

“What?" Rory stepped back from him. "You invited me.”

“The apology, the car ride…you accepted my likely ill-advised invite. But you’re, well…”

“Pregnant?” Rory supplied, slouching a little to accentuate the very slight bump she’d begun to sport. “That’s right, I’m pregnant. I thought everything was finally coming together – Logan and I were apart, that seemed for the best. I graduated on time, even after everything. I have a job, for now. But one rebound night, and now I’m here.”

“So it’s his?” Jess asked, the fire suddenly gone from his words. He wasn’t even really sure if he wanted to know the answer, but it was too late.

“Yeah, it’s his. Not my plan. Not his plan, either, I hope. You don’t get to judge me for this.” Jess opened his mouth to speak again, but Rory just kept yelling. “Just go back to your friends, and leave me alone. I don’t want to hear it.”

Rory walked away.

Jess watched until she turned a corner, out of sight.


End file.
